do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
