i barfeds in our rink
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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