She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
