you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize