Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
