well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
