I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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