we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
