just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
