you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
