I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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