I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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