I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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