You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
