i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You don't make any sense
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