she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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