wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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