You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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