So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
