i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
