I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
