also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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