yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
