did you get engaged???
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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