It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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