It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
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