Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
