During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
