I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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