I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
