That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
