I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
