And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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