she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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