i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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