I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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