I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
