Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
