I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
