based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've blown a few things in my day
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
