If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
