Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize