I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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