OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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