I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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