I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
