My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
