i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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