I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
