Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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