my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
