i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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