if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
