Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
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Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
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Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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