it's not cheating when I paid for it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize