i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
