Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
