I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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