How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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