your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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