you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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